There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He passed out mid-signature
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
