K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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