if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
