On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
