After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize