oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
