just come out here and I will go home with you...
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize