You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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