at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
