she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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