wanna go halves on a baby?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
