Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
