I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
