Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
