do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
