Got a toothbrush?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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