We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
