HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
