Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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