Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
we're so committed to being not committed
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
