i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
