Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
