He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
