Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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