Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
