Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
