Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
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