Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
