So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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