I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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