don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
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