If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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