i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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