my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
