Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
