Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
