that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize