meet me or not, i'm out of control
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
