You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
