you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
