the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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