non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
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I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
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I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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