Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
