I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
