afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
