you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
