Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You've changed since you got that strap on
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
