Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
