Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
