One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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