They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
