found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
