Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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