My friends, they love my intelligence
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
