I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
