in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
