i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
