i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
