I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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