He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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