I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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