You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
