Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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