she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
