pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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