he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
