Will you blow on my dice?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
