there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
