Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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