the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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