the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
