took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
