I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
now i know why i became what i already was.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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