That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We left an ass print on the piano.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
